Im gay, why do i seek abusive guys?

ive been in an abusive relationship before. the guy always belittled and degraded me. he beat me in front of his friend, and even raped me in my sleep, and ive also been raped by other guys. yet i still only seek out abusive and controlling guys. I dont understand why? i am naturally submissive to other dudes, but i think thats part of the problem. its nothing i can change though thats just part of who i am. i am really into bdsm, does that have anything to do with it? if you leave a stupid comment know this, i dont care!